Never mind that packet of Haribo and Warnock Junior, both of whom have yet to sign for Leeds, the shock news of this window is that former Old Big Gob favourite Kieron Dyer has joined Middlesbrough instead.
Apparently, the former West Ham, QPR, Ipswich and Newcastle sick note was so impressed by the Boro treatment room that he couldn't wait to sign on the dotted line, using a specially sterilised pen.
"It's all mod cons", a Boro insider confirmed. "The treatment tables are Premier League class and the ambient temperature is perfect, even in the middle of winter. We are confident that Kieron will settle in nicely and see out his six month contract in the lap of luxury."
Dyer was unavailable for comment, probably on account of a sore throat and wrist strain after signing his name.
Honestly, how does this guy keep finding mugs to sign him?