The Game's Gone Crazier

For all the latest on the exploits of Uncle Festa, Godfather Cellino, Friar Brian, Old Big Gob, GianFredo Zola, Butterfingers Green, 'Arry the Albatross, The Grand Puppet Master, Il Duce Di Canio, Timmy Sherwood and a cast of thousands!

Monday, 30 September 2013

Leeds in classic case of the paedophile pot calling the Turkish kettle black!

Now I am not about to defend the chanting of the Millwall mongrels on Saturday, but it is a bit rich for LUST, or any body else that claims to represent Leeds fans, to complain to the police about unacceptable taunts from the terraces.

It is not so long ago, less than 12 months if my memory serves me correctly, that Sheffield Wednesday manager Dave Jones was provoked into calling Leeds fans, en masse, "vile animals" after a section of the away support subjected him to the most sickening paedophile abuse imaginable, in front of his grandson no less. When I expressed my disgust on this blog, far too many so called football supporters sought to justify the abuse, arguing that Jones was guilty of a crime that he never committed and justifying the indefensible by claiming it was just "banter".

Well now, it seems, the boot is on the other foot and LUST have suddenly come over all precious and politically correct, and like a Year 7 bully beaten up by Year 10 boys, have run crying to sir. Not only were the chants of the Millwall fans "distressing", they were also "alarming", which does make it sound as if Leeds louts were running scared of the big bad Millwall bull mastiffs.

So a complaint has been lodged with both the police and Millwall Football Club, which is more than a little rich given Old Big Gob Warnock applauded the away support at the Wednesday game, despite the abuse aimed at Jones, the support offered to Jimmy Savile and the assault on Wednesday keeper Chris Kirkland. What is good for the goose is clearly not good for the gander as far as LUST are concerned.

The huge irony is that, had the Football League acted on the call made by Jones for all Leeds fans to be banned from away games, none of the sensitive darlings would have been at the ground to hear the nasty chants of their Millwall tormentors.

Of course, an interesting footnote to the Istanbul episode is that the brother of one of the unfortunate victims has subsequently been charged for what was termed "an appalling explosion of violence” between rival supporters in Leeds city centre. It seems from this as if he was a little less respectful of his brother's memory than he should have been.

In summary, before the Leeds United Supporters Trust starts bleating about "unacceptable chants" from rival fans, the Leeds United fans have to put their own house in order. They could begin by supplying the names and addresses of all those who chanted abuse at Dave Jones and all those involved in the homophobic chanting at the Brighton game. Only then can their righteous indignation be taken seriously.

Sunday, 29 September 2013

Leeds fans excited about prospect of playing Manchester United next season!

Oh the joy! Leeds may have slumped to fifteenth in the Championship table, but what does that matter when Moyes United are in twelfth place in the Premiership, just three points above the drop zone?

This is the worst start Manchester United have made to a season since Ferguson won his first trophy at Old Trafford, and you have to go back to 1978 for the last time they lost to West Bromwich Albion! So much water has passed under the bridge since then! Leeds have yo-yoed from the top division down to the third division and have climbed a little way back up again, whilst the Scum have won titles, Champions League trophies, FA Cups and League Cups.

But now the tide is turning, and how the Leeds fans are loving it! The appointment of Moyes is proving a disaster. Just as at Everton, his team have started the season slowly, but the difference now is that the players and Board do not hold him in awe. In fact, quite the reverse. And as Moyes suggests that his squad lacks the quality to compete in the Champions League, players like Van Persie, Vidic, Rooney and Giggs are no doubt muttering, "And what has he won exactly? Sweet FA!"

Of course, as Leeds fans know only too well, every dog has its day, but when Lady Luck decides to kick a dog in its bollocks, the tail stops wagging. It is probably hoping for too much that the Scum might fall to Leeds United's level, but with little else to cheer about, Whites fans can cherish this dream for now.

And let's face it, just missing out on Champions League football would be a disaster for the Scum and could trigger the departure of the few world class players still on their books. The top of the Premiership has a strange look to it at the moment and it's not just fans of Leeds United who will be hoping that this will prove more than a blip in Manchester United's fortunes. Leeds came down to earth with a crash and Liverpool too discovered that history counts for nothing when the chips are down. Is it too much to hope that Manchester United fortunes will dip dramatically too?

The jealous fans across the Pennines are down on their knees and praying even as the Leeds United Feel Good Factor Sleeper Express to the Premiership, Europe, Infinity and Beyond is delayed at Platform 15 in the Championship!

Leeds United's McDermott on the edge already

Ouch. Nice Guy Brian found a nasty side after the Millwall defeat yesterday and laid into his players big time. And that's hardly surprising after 5 defeats in 6 games have seen the once mighty Whites crash out of the League Cup and plummet to fifteenth in the Championship.

Listen to McDermott's comments after the game and you hear the words of a man under pressure - and cracking. And the parallels with Old Big Gob Warnock are frightening. So much so that some may be wondering if the Arab Bank Built on Sand are simply a front for Master Bates, and if the man on the touchline is really Warnock wearing a Halloween mask.

According to Father Brian, the team "didn't turn up" for the second half, and if that isn't a classic example of Warnockesque hyper-bollocks, I don't know what is! Tell me, if the players don't perform after a half time team talk, whose fault is that exactly? The manager is there to organise and inspire his team, but on his own admission, McDermott failed to do either. Perhaps they didn't turn up because they were all aboard the Leeds United Feel Good Factor Sleeper Express to the Premiership, Europe Infinity and Beyond shunted up a New Cross siding!

And poor Nice Guy Brian is absolutely terrified that the Feel Good Factor Express has derailed. His fear of the fans turning on him and his employers is evident when he says, "If the fans see another second-half performance like we did then we’re going to have a problem. We need to keep the fans with us.” This seems to be McDermott's only tactic. Fuel the passion of the fans, keep them on side, stoke up the atmosphere inside the ground, and the players will pick up steam, toot merrily and clatter their way up the table.

The trouble is, Leeds fans are a fickle bunch and don't take kindly to losing. How many will show up for the next home game? The accountants at the Arab Bank Built on Sand will be looking on anxiously. If the gate drops below 20,000, the Feel Good Factor Express will have derailed financially as well as in terms of football results.

And crucially, McDermott came perilously close to admitting that his players are not good enough when he said, "The second half came as a shock to my system. I’m bitterly disappointed with the players we’ve got, who are decent but are not at the level at this moment in time." Now this is very dangerous territory and marks a departure from Warnock. Old Big Gob criticised individuals but was always careful not to suggest that the squad itself was crap. If you are a Leeds player this morning, how do you feel reading that your manager is "bitterly disappointed with the players we've got"?

Of course, McDermott is right to be concerned, because the squad isn't good enough, but Warnock kept this bunch in with a shout of the playoffs until the final weeks of the season and, despite a good start, Leeds are already well adrift of the playoffs this time around - despite adding Hunt, Murphy, Wootten and Smith to Warnock's cesspool.

Poor Father Brian is learning that the "Don't worry, be happy" mantra can only take you so far. Many more defeats and he could be shown the same exit door as Warnock!

Saturday, 28 September 2013

Millwall 2 Leeds United 0 - Lame Dog Lomas Bites Messiah McDermott's Derriere!

Well three weeks ago Father Brian was walking on water, now he is sinking like the proverbial Steve Stone! Much more of this, and Leeds fans will be reminiscing about the good old days of Master Bates and Old Big Gob Warnock!

And talking of Warnock, some will note that McDermott's Leeds now occupy fifteenth place in the table, and that is as low as Leeds sank under his predecessor. If this is the "steady progress" that Leeds fans were predicting as the season kicked off, then that progress is as Irish as McDermott's parentage!

The play off places are now a frightening seven points away and a break away group seems to be forming, with the table having a much more clear cut look about it this season than last. The teams at the bottom look likely to stay at the bottom, and with Leeds equidistant, points wise, from seventh place and third from bottom, that is a small mercy to be savoured.

McCormack's Mcgoals have Mcdried up since he got his extended Mccontract and two shots on target all game, despite enjoying, ironically, the Lion's share of the possession, says everything that needs to be said about the potency of this Leeds team. Collectively, they couldn't score in a brothel!

Of course, as a West Ham fan, I am none too pleased to see Millwall win, but it's good to see a West Ham old boy, in the shape of Steve Lomas, enjoying a victory. Not so long ago, it was Lomas under pressure as McDermott collected the accolades, but now the Leeds manager might start seeing the attraction of managing Ireland!

The Feel Good Factor Sleeper Express to the Premiership, Europe, Infinity and Beyond seems to have derailed dramatically. And Leeds fans had better pray that the takeover rumours harden up, because for as long as the Arab Bank Built on Sand retain control of the club, the Premiership will remain a distant dream.

Thursday, 26 September 2013

Leeds United's McDermott Says Size Matters

Poor old Father Brian. He is looking for positives. Desperately looking for positives. But the more he says, the more he sounds like his predecessor, Old Big Gob Warnock.

This time he was explaining that the game of football is all about how big you are and the two boxes. But no, he wasn't talking about a well endowed guy in a dreamy threesome!

Amazingly, according to Father Brian, what happens in the middle of the pitch is of little consequence, it's what happens in the final third that determines the outcome of football matches. Now there's a thing! Who would have thought it? It seems that goals decide games. What a shame Brian didn't receive that revelation before the window closed because he might then have prioritised the signing of a striker who can score goals!

As for the size thing, McDermott hasn't been checking out the players in the changing room, he's commenting on the failure of the referee to award Smith a penalty because he is six foot four. Now that is classic Warnock! What the hell has Smith's height got to do with a penalty award exactly?

Still, Father Brian reckons there are lots of positives to be taken from the game despite losing to a team that couldn't beat West Ham and lost to Hull. Let's not dwell on four defeats in five games and two goals in 450 minutes of football, Leeds competed against the might of Newcastle! 

A Crisis Unfolding For McDermott & Leeds United

Another game, another defeat, this time at the hands of under-performing Newcastle United. Not so long ago, Father Brian was walking on water, now he is being fitted out for snorkel and flippers. Down to thirteenth in the Championship, out of the Capital One Fan Cup, four defeats in the last five games and just two goals scored in 450 minutes of football is not what the doctor ordered!

Excuses will be made of course. Last night, Leeds were playing away to a Premiership club! But a Premiership club that couldn't beat either West Ham nor Hull in front of their own fans, so hardly a team that is on top of its game. Dear me, Leeds even contrived to get Cisse off the mark and he scores with the regularity of, well for the want of a better simile, Noel Hunt!

This was supposed to be a season of steady progress but, thus far, steady progress has resulted in occupying exactly the same position in the table that Leeds occupied last season and exit from the League Cup earlier. Old Big Gob must have a grin stretching from ear to ear as he munches on his Cornflakes in Cornwall this morning!

And the trouble is, Leeds have a close to fully fit squad so there are no excuses to be made. This is the bed and Nice Guy Brian has to lie in it, until January at least. Unless, that is, somebody wakes up fast and signs Becchio on loan.

But Becchio on loan would cost money so...

Question. Is anybody still on board the Leeds United Feel Good Factor Sleeper Express to the Premiership, Europe, Infinity and Beyond?

Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Is a new take over of Leeds United in the offing?

A spike in the share value, rumours of another Arab prince showing an interest, and now an unexplained resignation from the Board. It's beginning to look as if the Arab Bank Built on Sand may be about to dilute further it's share holding in Leeds United or may even be about to turn their football chip for a quick profit.

Just what this will mean to the club remains unclear. If a take over is in the offing, the timing is pretty poor. The ideal time would have been in the summer, giving McDermott the opportunity to invest in the squad. There's not much point in securing a transfer war chest in late September, when the window has well and truly slammed shut. Still, January isn't so very far away I suppose.

Leeds fans will be praying to Mecca that the real deal comes along this time and that all this talk of "steady progress" will be ditched in favour of  speculating to accumulate. One thing seems clear now, for genuine progress to be made, Leeds need to be bought by an owner with a bigger bank balance and bigger balls than GFH Capital.

The next few weeks could be interesting!

Saturday, 21 September 2013

Leeds United's McDermott is even sounding like Warnock now!

It didn't take long. Poor Father Brian is losing his sangfroid already and beginning to talk Old Big Gob gibberish. Listen to him as he mutters, " I said to the players, the worst thing that can happen has happened. They lost. That’s it. I give them the license to make things happen." If that's not Warnockesque bollocks, I don't know what is!

With the water already up beyond his ears, Brian is learning that he can't walk on water after all. Gone is the measured composure of a man who knows he was born to succeed, and in it's place are the ravings of a confused man trying to make sense of his exposed limitations.

Of course nobody is going to blame him yet. Unlike Allardyce at West Ham, a man reviled even as he led the club to promotion, McDermott has a reservoir of good will to draw upon, if only because he replaced the detested Warnock. Brian has said all the right things up until now, so it will take a few more defeats before the Leeds fans throw their toys out of the pram and turn on him, and GFH Capital will rightly be their first target for bile.

Three defeats in four games have illustrated perfectly the short sightedness or short change-edness of the Arab Bank Built on Sand. McDermott was desperate for three players before the window closed, a centre back, a winger and a striker, but his Arab employers would only invest a pittance - so McDermott snatched at Wootton and left himself desperately short of attacking options. The consequences are now, of course, painfully evident.

QPR are already pulling clear of Leeds and Watford look as if they are finding their form. Automatic promotion was always a long shot, but now only the optimistic would see the playoffs as a realistic prospect. "Steady progress" might see Leeds finish eighth, but what use is that exactly?

Leeds United's promotion push derailed after points failure

Hang on, that wasn't meant to happen. Father Brian called for the players to "move on quickly" from the defeat at Reading but the home defeat against Burnley showed that he is caught in the ultimate Catch 22. A more progressive team was selected today, in an effort to "work the opposition keeper" more, but as a result, the previously watertight back four suddenly sprung a leak or two.

So Leeds have now settled back into an all too familiar twelfth place in the table and are already more than three points shy of the team in sixth place - Nottingham Forest. Even the most pessimistic of Leeds fans were predicting "steady progress" this season, but a climb of one place, after what has been hailed an impressive start to the season, hardly constitutes the adjective "steady" albeit there is no denying that it is progress of a kind.

Along with Blackpool, Burnley are the surprise package of the season so far, but what this result shows is that, when up against the better teams in this division, Leeds don't have what it takes to force a result. Defeats against QPR, Reading and now Burnley show that Father Brian has still got a long way to go before he can feel confident that the Leeds United Feel Good Factor Express to the Premiership, Europe, Infinity and Beyond is truly on track and pointed in the right direction.

Old Big Gob Warnock will be smiling tonight. Despite all the accolades for McDermott, Leeds are exactly where they were when he was shown the door - shunted up a Championship siding!

Friday, 20 September 2013

Where now for McDermott and Leeds?

It was close, so close. But come the ninety sixth minute Leeds capitulated and conceded yet another goal from a set piece. That's something that has to be worked on as Father Brian admits.

But much more of a concern is, as Father Brian terms it, the inability of his players to "work" the opposition keeper. You can't win games if you can't score goals and, unfortunately, with his contract now extended, Ross McCormack has suddenly stopped smashing  them home.

This was always going to be the problem, which is why it is odd that money wasn't invested in a striker and a winger. Varney and McCormack have exceeded their career goals per game ratios but still, with Hunt goal less, Leeds remain one of the lowest scorers in the division.

Of course, QPR are proving that you don't need to score shed loads to win games, providing you remain solid at the back, but even 'Arry's team failed to secure victory against Brighton because they aren't putting the ball in the net. The difference between QPR and Leeds is that the London club has strikers who you would back to score regularly in this division, if fit, and midfield players you would expect to create. So the Hoops are on top of the table without yet hitting their straps; whilst Leeds are eleventh after, what most agree, has been an excellent start to the season.

Father Brian has talked about "moving on quickly" after the Reading defeat but where are the goals going to come from, exactly? Should Poleon start? What about Hell Hadji? Or maybe Smith? The trouble is, none of them are out and out goal scorers which shows that, for all his limitations, Leeds are still missing Becchio.

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Noel still a goalless Hunt as Leeds capitulate at Reading

Well would you Adam and Eve it,  Noel clearly hasn't been reading the script! What happened to the Immutable Law of the Ex? Well it struck, but the problem was, the scorer wasn't Cockney Rhyming Slang favourite Noel Hunt against his former club, but Le Fondre against his ex Reading boss McDermott. What a shame that Father Brian went back for Noel instead of for God's first choice, Adam!

In fact, with a Warnock sent off, Leeds goal less and losing to a late, late, late goal and the once mighty Whites slipping to eleventh place in the Championship, it was almost as if Old Big Gob were still in charge. Of course, Father Brian will issue benedictions rather than, in the style of his predecessor, blaming individuals, but who cares, despite all the tooting from the Leeds United Feel Good Factor Express to the Premiership, Europe, Infinity and Beyond, very little tangible progress has apparently been made. Perhaps there were leaves on the line as autumn approaches!

It's all such a shame, because with Blackpool crashing on Tuesday and QPR and Forest failing to win at home, this really was shaping up to be a wonderful round of results for Leeds.

Of course, things are not that bad anyway. Leeds are still only one point off a playoff place and, arguably are a point to the good after two awkward away games in which a share of the spoils would have been regarded as acceptable. It does now become imperative to win the compensatory home games, however, and the lack of imagination going forward remains a massive problem. Father Brian has built a team that is difficult to beat, but to go up, you have to win a high percentage of your games - and that involves scoring goals!

Le Fondre showed GFH Capital what might have been last night - if only they had dusted the sand off the wallet and bid a couple of million for a striker who scores goals rather than pick up a prize Hunt for nothing!

Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Immutable Law of the Ex Promises Success for Leeds at Reading

As a West Ham fan, I know all about the Immutable Law of the Ex: Joe Cole scored for both Chelsea and Liverpool against us; Glenn Johnson has done the same; Defoe had the decency to miss a penalty or two but has also netted; Lampard rams the Fat Frank jibes down our throats on a regular basis; 'Arry has only lost one game as a manager against us if my memory serves me correctly; and even Rio has knocked one (or is it two?) past our keeper. Dear God, if we could find a buyer for Maiga, even he would score!

And, of course, the ILOTE doesn't just kick us in the bollocks. Who can forget Dennis Law's goal for Man City that confirmed the Scum's relegation to the old Second Division? And, of course, Cantona  bagged a beauty in that infamous 4-0 tonking at Elland Road at the hands of the Scum. What about Jordan and McQueen? They must surely have scored against their former employers too!

But the beauty of the Law is it cuts both ways and after his goalless start to the season, the odds are surely in favour of Cockney Rhyming Slang favourite Noel Hunt opening his account against Reading. In fact, with Father Brian returning to the club that disgracefully sacked him, the neutrals, for once, will actually be cheering Leeds on to victory.

The omens are in favour of Leeds and, should victory be secured, promotion will become a very real possibility.

Sunday, 15 September 2013

West Ham fans smiling as Sheffield United's slide continues

Pay it back, pay it back, pay it back! I've said it repeatedly, that until Shafting United give back the money extorted over the Tevez affair, Karma (no not Chris, you fools, he broke McAvennie's leg!)will condemn them to the burning agonies of Purgatory.

Things were looking up when Prince Abdullah swing bin Mosaad wheelly bin Abdulaziz Al Saud bought half the club for the less than princely sum of £1 but yet another defeat, this time at struggling Carlisle, has darkened the storm clouds gathering over Bramble Lane.

Poor David Weir has forgotten how to smile. He knows he is holding a poison chalice and that it is only a matter of time before the new owner wields the Sword of Damocles, made, no doubt, from best Sheffield Steel. The trouble is, the Blades are now so blunted that it will probably take a hundred hacks before the miserable Scot's head finally tumbles into the basket; Sharia Law, Sheffield style!

Relegation to the bottom tier of the Football League is now a genuine possibility and with Sheffield United 12 points behind second placed Peterborough, automatic promotion to the Championship is already looking a forlorn dream.

But with Prince Abdullah swing bin Mosaad Dusty bin Abdulaziz Al Saud's riches, the Tevez money could now be repaid, thus ending the nightmare!

Sunderland fans to vote on most suitable lamp post

So it is increasingly looking like a matter of time. With Il Duce sent off yesterday for arguing with the referee and his team slipping to yet another defeat, the controversial appointment of Di Canio takes another inevitable step towards premature termination.

As his latest rant shows, this time on the touchline, Il Duce lacks the discipline necessary to earn the respect of Premiership footballers. According to the Italian, it is acceptable for him to name and shame his own players in public and now, apparently, he feels he is within his rights to challenge the authority of the referee in mid match. So what that he was right when criticising Atkinson's decision to disallow the Altidore goal, the example he set to his players was appalling. And presumably, he will not now complain the next time one of his team sees red for dissent.

But anyway, back to that vote on the most suitable lamp post. The early favourites all feature on the Millennium Way but surely the best option would be Niall Quinn who could wear the Italian like an albatross around his neck!

Echoes of Revie as Leeds earn sweetest of victories at Bolton

Up to sixth after an away win at Bolton (just as Jack predicted on this blog), the Leeds United Feel Good Factor Express to the Premiership, Europe, Infinity and Beyond is back on track, and with a vengeance! And how sweet was that win?

The Trotters were amongst the pre season favourites for promotion and their campaign is already dead and buried. A play off place may yet be possible - they are only 9 points adrift of sixth placed Leeds after all - but it is one hell of an ask from here.

Better still, at right back for the lacklustre Lancashire team was one Matt Mills, a player Bolton tried to offload to Leeds throughout the close season. The victory and clean sheet were a great way of saying, 'Who needs him?'

Better still, the Leeds team featured instead young Wootton who, based on a couple of performances, is beginning to look like a real catch from the Scum.

Better still, former Leeds United goal machine Jermaine Beckford came off the bench and got the script all wrong again, failing to live up to the Unwritten Law of the Ex. The guy really is looking like a shot bolt now and Bolton are paying him ridiculous wages.

Better still, Reg Varney scored again, suggesting that McCormack doesn't have to Mccarry the Mcgoalscoring  Mcburden alone all season.

Better still, there were no negatives at all - except perhaps for Hunt who remains goalless and increasingly a candidate for cockney rhyming slang jibes.

Father Brian will be full of benisons as he takes prayers this morning. I wonder what hymn he will suggest? Too early yet, it seems, for "The First Noel" but with things going so swimmingly for the bald headed maestro who walks on water, surely even that is only a matter of time!

Saturday, 14 September 2013

Will Leeds United repay McDermott's commitment at Bolton?

So Father Brian has turned his back on the Emerald Isle in the hope of mining diamonds at Leeds United instead. Nobody should be surprised at that news, such an honourable man of the cloth was always unlikely to walk out on a job so soon after accepting the appointment. But now it is down to the Board, players and fans to repay the neo-Irishman for his loyalty. Starting today at Bolton!

On paper, this looks a great opportunity for Leeds to get back to winning ways after that disappointing home defeat against QPR which saw the Feel Good Factor Express to the Premiership, Europe, Infinity and Beyond make an unscheduled stop at an all too familiar tenth place in the table. Dear God, if that's the best the club can do, Old Big Gob Warnock might just as well still be in charge!

Bolton are in last place after a dreadful start, but few would back them to finish bottom of the pile come the end of the season. They put together a storming run in the final third of last season and, player for player, are one of the top ten teams in the division. Confidence is no doubt low, but the international break probably came at a good time, allowing time to take stock and to sort out a few basics. So the game is going to be tougher for Father Brian's men than it looks on paper.

So tough indeed, that I fancy the loyalty of the fickle Leeds fans may be tested come five o'clock this afternoon. My money is on a 2-0 Bolton win which could see Leeds slip into the bottom quarter of the division. If that happens, the man rumoured to be able to walk on water might be urged by a few Leeds supporters to perform the stunt, all the way to Ireland!

Thursday, 12 September 2013

Are Leeds about to lose Brian McDermott?

And just when everybody was aboard, wearing their "Kiss me longingly" hats, some pain in the you know what has to go and spoil it!

Somebody has just twitched the emergency cord on the Leeds United Feel Good Factor Express to the Premiership, Europe, Infinity and Beyond big time! Could it be that the Bald Controller really wants to get off early in order to secure his Manifest Destiny by taking control of the Republic of Ireland?

There's no evidence that Nice Guy Brian is even in the frame, nor that he wants the job, but that hasn't stopped speculation, purely on the basis, it seems, that he is of Irish descent. That was, of course, the basis of the last appointment to the Irish job, even though Trapattoni is Italian, because as former Leeds favourite Jack Charlton famously proved, you can find Irish blood in every bugger if you look hard enough, or inject it in his arse when FIFA aren't looking.

What are the chances of this happening? Close to zero I would say but other scaremongers out there will seize upon any eighth truth as an excuse for an article.

And to think I've been calling him the Reverend! Is the guy really a Fenian? In which case I will have to re-Christen him Father Brian. No wonder, then,  he has taken such a shine to the club's youngsters!

Monday, 9 September 2013

Who would imagine that Sheffield United could ever be a better bet than Leeds?

It's far from impossible that Shafting United could end up the richest club in the bottom division of the Football League after that humiliating defeat against Rotherham, but nevertheless, a Saudi Prince - an Arab reputably with money! - still regarded the Blunted Blades as a better bet for investment than the once mighty Leeds United!

Leeds fans will queue up to blame Master Bates but, inconveniently, the Saudi's agent has revealed that an approach was made to buy a stake in the club after GFH Capital had bought out canny Ken. The trouble is, this Arab wanted to invest in the squad rather than buy a financial trading chip, and the Arab Bank Built on Sand were having none of that!

Personally, I hope it all goes tits up for McScab's scum, but, for the time being, this must be utterly galling for all those who fell over themselves to boast that Leeds would be spending billions when the rumour of an Arab buy out first emerged.

A partnership between Prince Abdullah wheelly bin Mosaad swing top bin Abdulaziz al Saud and GFH Capital would surely have been perfect, with the Saudi financing player purchases as the Bahrainis capitalised on promotion to the Prem, but the opportunity was inexplicably missed.

Unless, of course, this Arab himself, like Leeds United's owners, is also a few camels short of a full caravan! 

Sunday, 8 September 2013

Leeds fans count cost of Warnock!

So where did Leeds finish last season? It wasn't fifth! But in the league table of fees paid to agents, that's exactly where Leeds ended up: fifth highest in the Championship table. And, to think, people claimed Master Bates was mean!

Of course, Warnock traded players like an eleven year old traded Pokémon cards a few years back. And sadly for Old Big Gob, none of them evolved. Which is why the present squad is choked up with Charmanders, Weedles and Pidgeys - or Podgies in the case of the keeper's jersey!

Leeds fans are justifiably amazed. And judging from his picture in the Yapping Post, LUST's chairman Gary Cooper - who is quoted as saying "It’s an awful lot of money" - knows exactly what the £1.2m paid to agents could buy - 100,000 KFC Bargain Buckets!

Thursday, 5 September 2013

600,000 reasons why Leeds won't win promotion

Not only has the Reverend hurled scorn upon the obscene spending of the Premiership clubs in the last transfer window, he has also climbed down from his pulpit to share with the faithful why Leeds didn't invest the comparatively paltry sum of 600k on a much needed winger.

As the good Reverend explained, the targeted player, Birmingham winger Chris Burke, is in the final year of his contract and so will be available free of charge in the summer. What would be the point, therefore, in squandering all that money now for somebody who won't cost you a bean in July 2014? And there is a certain logic in that argument for as long as you keep on the blinkers.

The problem, of course, is that Leeds fans want to see a push for promotion THIS season, not wait another 12 months in the hope that the Reverend's prayers for deliverance from the Championship might be answered in the next campaign. Let's look at it another way. If 600k opened up the possibility of playing in the Prem next season, and qualifying for TV and prize money of 60m even for the club finishing bottom, with parachute payments to follow, wouldn't that be a sensible investment?

If GFH Capital aren't willing to punt a paltry 600k to support the Reverend, what chance does the poor sod have of taking the club to the Promised Land?

Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Dirty Dirty Leeds Born Again

Oh the irony! The club most intimately linked with 'win at all cost and to Hell with all values' has suddenly discovered morality! With the newly ordained Reverend Brian preaching from the Elland Road pulpit, the club is suddenly offering itself up as a beacon for all that is godly in the game!

Today's reading comes from Matthew 6:24: "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."

Reverend Brian has, with some justification if you are a fan of West Ham, expressed disgust at the obscenity of the big money spending of Premiership clubs on the last day of the transfer window. But, to quote Mandy Rice-Davies, "He would say that, wouldn't he?". When you don't have two Dinar to rub together, it's bound to hurt when clubs pay four hundred million camels for a single player!

Poor old Brian. He is desperately hoping one of those Premiership clubs he has criticised will discover a sense of charity and help the Elland Road paupers by donating a quality player or two on loan. But if Leeds fans are right, and the club are indeed on the cusp of claiming their rightful place at the top table of the Prem, why would any club already in the top division help them to get there?

With a stinking rich Saudi prince buying Shafting United, the implications of being bought by an Arab Bank Built on Sand are becoming more and more explicit: stand still and you go backwards. Just imagine how morale would have been boosted had Matt Phillips joined the once mighty Leeds rather than little old QPR! But GFH Capital weren't prepared to speculate to accumulate and so the Reverend has been reduced to preaching morality to his dwindling congregation.

Still, McCormack has committed to Leeds for the next four years so who needs Krancjar exactly?

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Leeds, Leicester and Nottingham Forest can only dream after QPR's magical window

Wow, talk about a wheeler dealer! Not content with capturing Matt Phillips and the other rag tag bunch of typical 'Arry signings, Redknapp pulled off a last day triple coup, bringing in Kranjcar, Assou-Ekotto and the highly promising Carroll.

What would Reverend Brian give for a player of Kranjcar's ability? I said Phillips was a death knell for all the other would be promotion contenders, but the Croat is in a different class from the former Blackpool man. This guy is, young Ince apart, far and away the most naturally talented player in the division and, providing Redknapp can keep him motivated and fit, he will carve up Championship defences.

Just compare Assou-Ekotto to Warnock meanwhile! The latter couldn't get a sniff at Villa, whilst the former was a regular in a Spurs team that narrowly missed qualification for the Champions League. Quite how he has ended up in the Championship is beyond me.

And Carroll is a real talent too. I saw the lad playing for Tottenham's U21s against Chelsea's boys and he, along with Kane, was a class apart.

Say what you like about Redknapp, the guy knows how to play the transfer market! If QPR don't storm the division now, I will be amazed!

So, as I said before, there's only one automatic promotion place up for grabs this season, because the Hula Hoops are all but home and dry.

Leeds United can't shake off the Curse of the Warnock

So deadline day has passed and the Reverend's prayers have not been answered. He was eager to add to the squad but with the fans staying away from Elland Road in their tens of thousands, GHF Capital did their sums and decided that a £15m wage bill was more than enough, thank you very much. To buy, Reverend Brian had to sell, but as it turned out, he couldn't even give Warnock's old nags away!

They say you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but clubs have seen enough of the likes of Norris, Hell Hadji and Drury to know that there's only one place they should be heading, and that's the knacker's yard.

The trouble is, Warnock mopped up any old seepage going and the stains are indelible. The contracts are long and the wages are inflated. That's why Warnock Junior opted for the Championship last season rather than throw in his lot with West Ham. Leeds fans gloated, but West Ham fans were relieved the club decided not to saddle itself with yet another player in the twilight of his career.

So the Reverend has to muddle along with what he has got, unless a loan player or two becomes available and the club holding their contracts are willing to pay the bulk of their wages whilst allowing Leeds to select them.

That promotion dream drifted a little further out of reach at midnight last night.

Monday, 2 September 2013

Last minute deadline deal for Leeds?

So, did the defeat to QPR enhance or scupper the chances of Leeds dipping into the transfer market before the window slams shut?

Logically, of course, the loss should encourage GFH Capital to un-padlock the camel hide wallet and part with a million or two Bahraini Dinar, but since when has logic played any part in football, particularly at Leeds United?

So what that the team was exposed as being short on fire power yet again, the fact that a promotion push looks less likely today than it did on Saturday morning is probably enough to persuade the Arab Bank Built on Sand to defer investment, or even to look for an exit strategy. Indeed, had that defeat come a few days earlier, McCormack might not now be sitting on an inflated 4 year contract.

There are rumours that Hell Hadji could even depart - if Leeds can find a taker!

But if the window closes and nobody has arrived, all is not lost. Leeds can still loan players, and with Premiership clubs likely to be lumbered with surplus players after panic buying, a deal or two could be available.

Sunday, 1 September 2013

After Arsenal defeat, Tottenham Hotspur should launch a new club anthem

Three games in, and apart from two penalties, both dubiously awarded, Tottenham have scored a less than grand total of no goals. That's zero. Zilch. Efes. Or F all!

You have to laugh. All that money spent and what have Spurs got to show for it exactly? Time to adopt a Beatles classic as the new club anthem!

 I'll buy you a centre half AVB
If it makes you feel all right

 I'll get you anything AVB
 If it makes you feel all right
Cause I don't care too much for money

 For money can't buy us goals

I'll give you all I've got to give

 If you say you love me too

 I may not have a Bale to give

 But what I've got I'll give to you

 I don't care too much for money

 For money can't buy us goals


 Can't buy us goals

 Villas Boas tells me so

 Can't buy us goals

 No, no, no, no


 Say you don't need no Welsh wideman

 And I'll be satisfied

 Tell me you don’t want those kind of things

 That only Real’s money can buy

 I don't care too much for money

 For money can't buy us goals


 Can't buy us goals

 Villas Boas tells me so

 Can't buy us goals

 No, no, no, no


 Say you don't need no Welsh wideman

 And I'll be satisfied

 Tell me that you don’t want those kind of things

 That only Real’s money can buy

 I don't care too much for money

 Cause money can't buy us goals

 Oh, can't buy us goals, goals

 Can't buy us goals, no

Poor McDermott learning how fickle the Leeds United flock can be

Today's reading is Psalm 23

The McDermott is our shepherd; we shall not lack. He makes us to lie down in green pastures: he leads us beside the still waters of the Aire. He restores Revie's soul: he leads us in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though we walk through the valley of the shadow of the Championship, we will fear no evil: for you are with us; your tactics and your coaching staff they comfort us. You prepare a team before us in the presence of our enemies: you anoint our heads with lager; our cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow us all the days of our life: and we will not dwell in the house of the Championship forever.

So sayeth the godly and the righteous. But sadly, far too many of the Leeds fans have as much stomach for adversity as the Israelites who, mystified by the ways of Moses, bleated complaints like lost sheep when wandering in the desert. So what that McDermott has delivered manna in the form of McCormack, one home defeat has unleashed uncertainty like a plague of locusts!

Look at that self anointed soothsayer Rob Atkinson who, after one narrow defeat, is already pointing the finger at the Leeds United board even though they have delivered the club from the clutches of Shatan, and cluttering up the Leeds United News Now board with jealous articles about bigger clubs like Tottenham and Liverpool. With supporters like this, it's little wonder only 23,000 turned up for a crucial game against QPR.

Cue the explanations that it was on TV and it was a category A game and all that crap. This game was vital. McDermott and the team needed a full house, roaring the side on, but instead the faithless turned their backs on the club and flocked to the pubs instead, watching the game for nout and saving up their pennies for their nightly KFC Family Bucket.

Last season I asked if the Leeds fans deserved a successful sports team after the denizens of the city failed to fill Headingly for a test match, even as Root and Bairstow were flying the Yorkshire flag superbly, and the pathetic gate for the QPR game sadly makes my point again. Did the Liverpool fans abandon their club last season for televised games as the team struggled? Do Newcastle fans stay away from the ground when their games are on the box? Was the Emirates half empty today?

The Reverend will preach another sermon from his pulpit this week, but sadly far too many of the so called faithful will turn a deaf ear and moan in the pews, passing the collection plate swiftly without donating a single penny.