Warnock Sitting Pretty As Adkins Chooses Reading Over Leeds

Is Warnock stripped to the waist, sitting crossed legged under a Bodhi tree as we speak? How else can you explain his sense of serenity and the way the board at Leeds seem to be see him as the source of all knowledge?

'New manager? No need to panic. Let's take our time. Leave the decision up to me,' Warnock declared before undressing and assuming the lotus position beneath the tree planted in his honour in the Grove Road Recreation Ground.

With Poyet talking to Reading, the Warnock was untroubled, declaring unto an anxious Haigh, "No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path."

With Adkins now bound for Reading instead, the Warnock declares to a panicky Patel, "Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others."

And still the Warnock sits on, crossed legged, beneath his Bodhi tree in the Grove Road Recreation Park uttering pearls of wisdom as the candidate list for the job of managing Leeds shortens.

"Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind", the Warnock tells the board as they kneel before him in homage.

"He is able who thinks he is able" he pronounces as he looks at a portrait of himself held up by his favoured acolytes Brown, Kenny and Tonge.

"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind", he pronounces as Haigh asks about the credentials of Il Duce Di Canio.

And all the time, the roots grow out of the Warnock's arse, entwining themselves around the heart of Leeds United and squeezing it so hard it bleeds in admiration.

Soon the Warnock will speak. Soon the Warnock will pronounce the anointed one. Soon the Warnock will declare from beneath the Bodhi tree in the Grove Road Recreation Ground, "You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection. The new manager therefore should be me."