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Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Warnock heir apparent of Warnock at Leeds United

With Stephen Warnock taking over squad motivation, one is reminded of the opening of a famous story...

Leeds United were dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of the club's burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Bates signed it. And Bates's name was good upon 'Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Leeds were as dead as a door-nail.  

Warnock knew Leeds were dead? Of course he did. How could it be otherwise? Warnock and Bates were partners for I don't know how many years. Warnock was Bates's sole executor, his sole administrator, his sole assign, his sole residuary legatee, his sole friend, and sole mourner. And even Warnock was not so dreadfully cut up by the sad event of the passing of Bates as owner, but that he was an excellent man of business on the very day of the proprietor's "passing", and solemnised it with an undoubted bargain, Hell Hadji Diouff.

The mention of Bates's passing brings me back to the point I started from. There is no doubt that Leeds were dead. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate. If we were not perfectly convinced that Don Revie died before the season began, there would be nothing more remarkable in his taking a stroll at night, in an easterly wind, upon the pitch at Elland Road, than there would be in any other middle-aged gentleman rashly turning out after dark in a breezy spot -- say Saint Paul's Churchyard for instance -- literally to astonish his son's weak mind.

And talking of sons, Stephen Warnock would never paint out Neil Warnock's name. There it would remain, years afterwards, above the manager's door: Neil Warnock. The management team in time was known as Warnock and Warnock. Sometimes people new to the business would call Stephen Neil, and sometimes Stephen, but he would answer to both names. It was all the same to him. 

Oh! But he was a crude hand at the tactical grindstone, old Neil Warnock! A belligerent, whining, complaining, truculent, cheating, covetous old school manager! Crude and outdated as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; gobby, and out-spoken, and desperate as a hard up fifty year old whore. The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, shrivelled his cheek, stiffened his gait; made his eyes red, his thin lips blue; and spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice. A frosty rime was on his head, and on his eyebrows, and his wiry chin. He carried his own underachievement always about with him; he iced his office in the dog-days; and didn't thaw it one degree at Christmas.

Nobody ever stopped him in the street to say, with gladsome looks, ``My dear Warnock, how are you. When will you come to see me.'' No beggars implored him to bestow a trifle, no children asked him what was the score, no man or woman ever once in all his life inquired the way to such and such a place as total football. Even the Championship's dogs appeared to know him; and when they saw him coming on, would tug their owners into doorways and up courts; and then would wag their tails as though they said, ``No eye at all is better than an evil eye, dark master! ''

But what did Warnock care! It was the very thing he liked. To edge his way along in the Championship, warning all human sympathy to keep its distance!

45 comments:

  1. Better than Womack and Womack, just

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  2. The medication is working!!

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  3. You really are an oxygen thief

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    1. Fantastic response,

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  4. If this is meant to be clever or funny you have miserably failed. You are a very strange man. Who would go to such lengths to attempt to take the piss out of a club that has nothing to do with them. We're not even your rivals. Get a job, a girlfriend, even a boyfriend if you swing that way; something that will mean that you don't have time to write such drivel.

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    1. The wanker doesn't even have anything to do with his own WET Spam club. He sits on a sofa eating goat head soup all day! Or may be the goats brains are assimilating with his own tiny brain. MOT

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  5. Bobby Moore

    "We could have gone on to dominate the game for a period, the way Leeds did"

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  6. Last read your blog 3 weeks ago.....it was as boring then as it is now...thats me done with this crap.

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  7. This is like your 10th post on leeds in the last few days!!! And yet again it's rubbish! No wit unfunny pile of shite!!!

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  8. 12 Leeds posts in a week now armchair. Is nowt happening at west ham? Haven't there been any more moonlight flits? You're clearly still hurting over Warnocks rejection of west ham. Try and get over it you just look pathetic now. You must have many an injunction and restraining order served on you by women who turned you down,but you couldn't take no for an answer and pestered them. Freak.

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  9. so whats your view on the 2000 Nazi saluting followers of the once proud westhamutd?...have the board of the once proud westhamutd turned a blind eye to the stench of racism that surrounds your once proud club?...do you think Huddersfield overreacted to that single incident?....is 2000 Nazi saluters to much money for your once proud club to lose?.....i keep asking but get no answers,why is that?....are you,like your board of directors simply not bothered?....why do you only print a selective amount of these related questions?...are you to ashamed of the answers?

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  10. What the Dickens is going on here?

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  11. in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king.

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  12. gosh you you could not even wait thet long for your next fix of attention seeking.............come on potty mouth.......get some sleep and you can dream of your tomorrows attention seeking fix.....it will soon be here.....

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  13. And this and that and cheese and that.the mighty white tide can't be stopped bubbles just float away and pop they are gone.lol

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  14. YOU ARE BORING.

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  15. Why a Christmas Carol numbnuts? It's nearly Easter ... nothing like a good crucifixation to stir up the gin palace!

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  16. Hammersfan. I see you have not said a word on the fan that attacked the Wycombe goalie. You were more than quick enough when it was Leeds.

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  17. Got bored before reaching halfway. Bit like watching the bubble blowers - so much expected and so little ever achieved.

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  18. Why don't you try linking us with Alex McCleish? That would be a good story.

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  19. You call this an article? Half of it doesn't make sense. You've attempted to produce a smartly written article but its more like a lazily written riddle.

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  20. you want the truth,erm you carn,t handle the truth.

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  21. you daren,t even print the truth.

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  22. don,t call me chicken.

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  23. day follows night,night follows day and day after day you bury you head in the sand.

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  24. would the great bobby have turned a blind eye to the truth?

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  25. Christmas ha gone now and the only Carol you should be writing about scored a rare goal for you're lot at the weekend.

    If you are looking for characters with Dickens like traits then I suggest you look a bit closer to home. Bah, humbug! MOT.

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  26. he will be looking down now and thinking:you know that leeds fan as a point,what are the directors not doing anything about the book burners at our club who brought so much shame to our doorstep,why?if i was still mortal i would not turn a blind eye to ignorance,even if we need their money.:..well thats what i think he would say.

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  27. mind you....i have an opinion and i,m not afraid to use it.

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  28. Usually your articles are written with a tongue in cheek wit and deliberate wind up aim..which usually have the intended effect. This one was clearly written in the dark of night after a bottle of whisky. Keep away from the literary prose and stick to looking at the pictures of your ex wife and kids you never see.

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  29. Might i suggest a spoon of sugar to help with that bitter taste..

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  30. First time ive read this...rubbish..absolute rubbish...tedious...mundane..not in the slight bit intresting...dont give up the day job.

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  31. I really think you are a literary genius - nobody makes me cry with laughter as much as you, I just can't go a day without your ramblings.
    With so much time on your hands there is obviously nothing worth commenting on with your club so you focus on the obvious one that stands out from the crowd - brilliant!

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  32. talking bollocks again clutching at anything to get noticed. you chose wank spam. we chose LEEDS UTD. never out of the public "EYE" through hate or desire ? this season will all end in tears for you. the tears of a clown ? with your court jester big fat Sam and is squad of CLOWNS. the return of a hero JOKE HOLE. so whats in store for this unnoticed club you support. i think you should concentrate on them instead of Leeds. you freak get a life. MOT

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  33. Love it HF,keep up the good work :-)

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  34. There's two things I have come to know will happen on a daily basis living here in New Zealand..

    1- the sun will rise in the morning

    2- you will right a "blog" on Leeds united

    PLEASE for all of us just get yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend to take your frustrations out on and stop clogging the Leeds news now site desperately looking for hits and comments because no west ham fan takes you seriously..

    In the words of Del Boy... Bonjour

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  35. WTF!!!!

    I was bored on my lunchtime and thought i'd log into your blog for something to do.....now i'm even more bored!

    MOT hammersfan = closet Leeds fan

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  36. Leslie grantham is an ardent west ham fan.

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  37. http://leedsuniteduncut.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/the-reason-for-season.html

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  38. What a load of shite you talk mate , let me guess , your 30ish , still have acne , BO and really bad breath .... that's why you spend your life on the lap top cos you can't get a woman ( or man ) tosser

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  39. Yeah i was right about you not posting my earlier comment. Also on your west ham site you're once again indulging in your other obsession and crapping on about you undying love of mark noble,it's funny how you keep using the word "tackle" when you write about him.

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  40. Talking of dead legends,i bet former Fulham legend Bobby Moore was over the moon with Fulham giving west ham a hiding last week.

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